11/7

I am very strict with myself. I work terribly hard to get things done.

So in response to this knowledge, I’ve been focusing on developing plans and setting goals in order to operate from a place of relaxation, freedom and ease. I feel like I’m beginning a transitional period in my life and everyone I speak to about this reaffirms my feelings. They say, “You’re 26? Ah, yes, well…that’s when life starts changing.”

I can feel the change coming, but I don’t know exactly what it is. I’m circling around my purpose and GOD BELIEVE ME I want to tack it down. I’ve often thought of myself as someone with a clearer purpose than most, but then, whenever I’m asked what is my goal, I often respond with something like, “Well, I’m an actor sort-of—I mean, I went to school for it—and I’m doing some theatre and a little improve…and I write…and well, I like movies but…I don’t know, I’m in a sketch comedy show right now and that’s fun, but not everything I hoped it would be and there’s maybe, well, another sorta film I might be doing but I’m not sure yet cuz I’m kinda sorta in this place of trying to figure out what’s next, ya know?”

And then, just as Bryan Cohen, friend and author of the book “The Post-College Guide to Happiness,” put it, my audience is passed out on the floor from boredom. With an answer like that, I cannot blame them.

Thanks to the help of Bryan’s book, I’ve strengthened and rearticulated my purpose. So the next time someone asks me, “So, what do you do?” or, “What’s your Goal?” I can confidently say something like:

“Well, my purpose is to play, act, love, and develop deeply meaningful experiences that change and free the world.”

It’s a bit lofty. And it’s also a bit vague, but for the time being, this is deliberate. It’s easy to get bogged down by a title, letting it dictate the course of decisions without real consideration of my true values. Like, by saying I’m an actor, I box myself it to a category of perceived actions that may or may not be accurate. As a result, I exhaust myself without my desired level of achievement.

Play is super important to me. It’s always been a large part of my life. However, it easily slips away through the palpable power of work, a product of my staunch middle class upbringing. If you’re not working you’re being lazy, wasteful, or even dangerous. However, if you make play work, it’s ceases to be both and strictly becomes the latter.

“Deeply meaningful experience” is an object that is beginning to sit right with me. I’ve always been a Jack-of-all-trades kind of person, loving the many different types of storytelling equally. However, I feel like I’ve been trying to force myself into a storefront theatre box when my ambitions are really wider and multifaceted.

I think what I’m about to do is to create a better platform for myself. This is what is meant by deeply meaningful experiences: that I’m opening myself up to the endless possibilities of my love. That’s why I like that phrasing.

Post Script: 20 minutes of writing and a once-through 30 minute sweep of editing.