Saturday, November 12, 2011

I Think I Want to Make Films...

I think I want to make films.

Eventually, I want to be a writer/improviser/actor version of Steven Spielberg. And I want to execute each facet (writing/improvising/acting) exceptionally well.

I want to create movies, not just direct them.

But what does this mean?! Does this mean I'm doing something wrong? Should I throw my current work of learning exceptional Voice Over, Improv, Acting and Writing away? In any one area, I'm still not yet fantastically enough!

Alright, Sam, let's slow down and ask this: do you, my dearest reader, feel the same? Like, you're not in your early twenties anymore and you're ready to make a change for something greater, a go big or go home sort of game changing switch in your career, but you don't have all the skills or equipment or the exact know how you need to make the next step? What would you do?

Let me simplify it and ask you this instead: would you just trust your vision and continue to keep doing what you're currently doing or would you make bold changes to bring your field of vision into action? Or, better yet, would you combine the last two question into one, trusting your vision while making smaller changes to augment your path?

I think I've just answered my own question.

I'll tell you what: I'm not in a rush anymore (at least, I don't think I am). I'm ready to move at my own pace. I'm ready to walk a little slower and learn things in my own time. I will no longer sacrifice my happiness for an idea because I'm not that young. BUT, and this is a big but, if that idea, along with my action, generates happiness, then I will go after it, in my own time, with minimal fear and abounding love.

In an article about his upcoming film, "Tintin," Spielberg commented that he started making movies because he was depressed. He made a short film, watched it, and felt, suddenly, better. He was happy. But not for long. He quickly became depressed again, so he made another short film. Happiness followed. So he made another and another and another until he became the Steven we know today.

I wouldn't mind copying the heart of that story.

Right now, I'm dealing with a ton of uncertainty in my life. I'm freelancing, yet I feel like I'm doing something monumentally wrong. It's unconventional, dangerous, risky and without the benefits of insurance. That's HUGE. But, if I sit quietly with myself, I know this to be true: I'm happier now that I'm doing work that I love. All of it is still growing and refining and developing, with all the uncertainty that those characteristics entail, but I'm learning to trust that my focused efforts will be worthwhile.

Perhaps, what I'm really doing, is starting to live my life. That's better than any film.

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